It has been a long time since I’ve documented things.
Which is kind of funny considering I was/am that person that kept old movie ticket stubs and notes passed around in high school (probably still stuck in a bookshelf somewhere) and had a tumblr blog full of my ~feelings~.
I’d like to start documenting again—small things and slow things, mostly. Creative things and a few life things, if applicable.
The past few years have been sad and blurry, in part because of the pandemic and in part because there were plenty of departures and reckonings around me. I left a community I really loved of seven years under complex circumstances and feelings, moved in back home with my parents, realized how stressed I had been about everything, started therapy (IYKYK), fell into a deep dark hole of sad and then, curled up into a ball to hibernate for the unforeseeable future.
A long hibernation. But, even though its the cold, gloomy winter right now, it feels like I’m finally unfurling and poking my head out for the first time in three years. The future feels like a friend again, ready to play and ask where to next?
I left the end of last year with a broken phone camera, which meant that the last few months were truly photo-less. Maybe its the season I’m in or maybe it’s the old sentimental habits kicking it. Either way, the incident made me realize how many things I wanted to remember and be present with and think about. So, I am back to shouting into this amazing, unpredictable void.
These shouts into the void (at least in this space) will mostly include things like art-making updates, some perhaps useful or useless personal thoughts, and always at the end, some little bite-sized things I’ve been absorbing. Take it or leave it, I’m grateful you’re here.
On Creative Stuff
I adore anything creative and it fills up a significant part of my everyday life, but I don’t often share artwork online because setting up and eventually embodying an online persona feels scary. I’ve also consistently over thought every single thing in my life and that would include the responsibility of being seen online. But nowadays, it’s inescapable and what better place to document, than the never-ending ether that is the internet. I trusted my feelings to this place, so why not my art. I am trying to be brave.
So, for one, I’m slowly but surely putting together a new website (though my lofty goals of completing it by the time this came out have been severely dashed). My website has been outdated for what feels like a very long time and like every designer out there, is perpetually in the burning rebrand fire.
A lot my problems come from wanting to do too much all at once (this is both a website lesson and a life lesson here), which I think stems from the persistent fear that I’m running out of time. But am I running out of time? Not quite. I learned in the past year that I was way too intense about making the right decisions every time and that’s an impossible standard that only leads to burnout. Now I’m making smaller decisions and holding things more loosely. And that mild time dread is quieter.
One of the other creative things I’m learning to breathe and take small steps with is the graphic novel I’m working on alongside two of my close friends. We are lucky that this project got into the hands of a publisher who gave us a chance at writing (and illustrating) this fun little story about friendship.
Illustrating stories was always the eventual end goal for me, but I always figured it would happen much later, when I had more time to focus on my illustration practice and when I was, in my mind, “better” at it, too. This was also one of the first quiet moments where I realized that people were actually interested in and liked my artwork (this is a whole other story for another time). There was always a part of me that thought my art was no bigger than me and my family and friend’s that supported me.
The opportunity is both exciting and terrifying. Yet, I’m grateful—I have two editors who care and believe in in the work, and friends who have given their gracious feedback to something they trust will come to be. At this point, we’ve completed the writing stage, thumbnails are approved, and I’ve definitely sold my soul to illustrating this book for the next year.
On a tangent but still very much related to making things, it was Lunar New Year and I made fortune cookies for a few friends. I thought it might be fun to make some custom fortunes. I forgot to take pictures buy a friend snapped one thankfully. (Fortunately, I only had to make four of them. The batter was really fickle and exactly four survived my mediocre folding skills!)
Some Snacks
Fun Snack: This video from After Yang
Helpful Snack: A little planning goes a long way.
(The long version: I learned this from a dear friend who came to visit and sent me an excel sheet with day and time breakdown of what we were going to do. I am not a great planner, so it was intimidating. But when the day of arrived, I realize that even the tiniest bit of planning we did made things easier and more fun. Who knew? You probably did already. Obviously, not me.)
Quiet Snack: Keaton’s Party Playlist
Well, if you’ve come this far, bless you. I’ll be taking my own advice and be holding this blog/newsletter loosely. This will be a work in progress and probably very messy, but why not. Now fingers crossed that this spans more than just January. —Kat
so proud of and inspired by you, kat! <3
Thank you for being brave and documenting things and showing them to “the world”!